With her book All Alone with You, Amelia Diane Coombs has written an honest account of a seventeen-year-old girl who copes with anxiety and depression because of imbalanced brain chemicals. Carrying around an unshakable sense of dread, Eloise Deane distracts herself by focusing on her dream to attend University of Southern California (USC). She can’t wait to graduate from Evanston High School in Seattle and make her escape. However, when her guidance counsellor tells her that USC will be expecting not just academic expertise but “investment and involvement” in her community, Eloise wavers. That means that in order for her dream to come true, she will have to commit to collecting community service hours. Ms. Holiday has just the solution: contribute to LifeCare as a volunteer.
LifeCare is a retirement home program for senior citizens who need mental and emotional support to curb their loneliness. Since Eloise has social anxiety and considers herself a “Human Disaster” when it comes to social situations, she is certain this is not the place for her. However, she finally decides that handing out Jello cups and playing Bingo for seventy five hours is a small sacrifice for her dream of securing a full-ride scholarship to USC. After all, USC has been her dream since freshmen year when she built her first computer, “since [she] fell in love with computers and coding and video games” (4). Video gaming is a beautiful alternative to the messiness of human relationships in Eloise’s mind. “You can slip into a different world. You can become someone else. You can be a hero—or a villain. . . . Online [Eloise] is less awkward. Online, [she has] an escape route. Unlike in real life. Needless to say, [she] prefers her virtual life over [her] current reality” (9).
However, LifeCare turns out to be quite the opposite of what Eloise has envisioned. Here, she meets Austin Lang, who is “like a walking talking sunshine emoji” (19). With a “doofy, lopsided smile” and his “golden retriever energy” (57), Austin is kind and generous while [Eloise] is snarly and sardonic. As they work with LifeCare and their client, Marianne Landis, the former lead singer of The Laundromats who is equally stubborn and snarky, the two teens gradually forge a friendship.
Even though his superpowers are extroversion and positivity, Austin finds the consistency of Lou’s assholery comforting. Trying to convince herself she likes being a loner, Eloise discovers that she’s actually lonely. And hanging out with Austin is effortless. She no longer feels ashamed of how she can’t fit in.
The more time the two spend together, the more Eloise realizes that Austin has “woven into the fabric of [her] life” and that she “might unravel without him” (210). Her feelings for Austin are “giant, confusing, and complicated” (259). From Marianne, who plays a bit of matchmaking but has relationship secrets of her own, the pair learns that fame is “like love: intense and loud and over before you know it” (87). Insisting that she’s not in love with Austin, Eloise deflects and eventually self-sabotages. “For someone so outwardly focused on success, [she is] a pro at setting herself up for failure” (284). In a moment of self-reflection, Eloise confesses: “I push people away. I don’t listen to apologies. And I don’t give second chances. Yeah. I’m the fucking worst. . . . I can’t expect anyone to give me their all when I always, always have one foot out the door of our friendship” (284).
In this poignant book about relationships, readers will also learn the moral of valuing connections over accomplishments. Additionally, they will recognize the need for trust, loyalty, and candor. Seventy-three year old Marianne, also gives this advice: “Be brave for those you care about, Eloise. Brave and vulnerable. Otherwise, you might miss your chance and regret it for the rest of your life” (261). As human beings, we tend to avoid areas of difficulty in favor of throwing our focus at something where we excel, an area in which we feel a sense of control and gain affirmation.
- Donna